How to Live With Your Spouse AFTER You’ve Asked For A Divorce

The divorce conversation has just happened and you feel the need to take the kids and flee the stress-filled home. But, the only problem is, you can’t leave the matrimonial home until the settlement is done! The last thing you want to do is be anywhere near your spouse, let alone live with them, so how are you going to survive? 

Make A 6 Month Budget

Making a basic household budget will take some stress out of next few months and the divorce process. Think of this time as an opportunity for you both to save some money, since you’re not spending on vacations, house for renovations or new furniture. Make sure that everything gets paid as has been the normal.  Remember until the Separation Agreement is signed, you are responsible for all bills that are in your name.

Make Schedules and Keep Your Space

Agreeing to a basic schedule and pinning it to the fridge,  is a great way to keep the peace.  Who will pick the kids when?  What needs to be done by who?  Where will you be on Tuesdays.  A shcedule will help each spouse manage expectations as well as make other necessary arrangements. 

As well, you don’t need to draw the ‘white line’ down the middle of the house but you may want to consider setting some house boundaries for each spouse. This is so you can feel comfortable knowing there is a ‘safe space’ for each of you in your own home.

Use Wisdom With Relationships

Having sex with your spouse during a divorce will complicate a few things. For instance, it sends mixed messages to the other spouse and makes their emotions flare, leading them to believe the relationship is savable.

While you should avoid starting any new relationships until you are completely removed from your previous, if you must, maintain a civil and healthy environment by not waving it in your spouse’s face. Do not bring your new partner to the house nor introduce them to your children.

The thought of living with your spouse during a divorce can make you squirm, especially when all you want to do is vanish. Learn to pick your battles wisely, as fights can easily escalate during this stage of separation. Do what you need to do to ensure your survival and brush off what you can to maintain a low conflict environment for the final stretch of your separation. You may not like your living arrangements but this is the essential next steps to moving on with the rest of your life.  Play your cards well.

Picture of Simonetta Lanzi

Simonetta Lanzi

Family Lawyer Ajax, ON

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