Regardless of how good or bad the process starts, it will end up being different than what you were expecting. Do not assume your divorce will proceed exactly as you intend or be a clear-cut process that is the same for everyone. Your situation is probably more complicated than you realize, everyone’s emotions are running high, court systems are slow and professionals are busy. Compromise is essential to a healthy divorce, but patience is vital.
Its likely going to take longer, cost more and be more difficult than you planned. If you have chosen the court system, you will realize that it is far from fast, straight forward and easily navigated. If you thought that you and your spouse agreed on everything, you will inevitably find matters where you do not agree. The drama almost always lands on kids or money.
It is also common for people to feel like they are facing a disadvantage, regardless of whether this is true. A spouse that initiates the process may feel trapped and held hostage until the settlement is over. On the other hand, the non-initiator can be caught completely off guard and needs time to reach their spouse’s level of acceptance. One may understand the legalities, another the money situation. One may be an extroverted personality, the other an introverted. One an avoidant, the other an aggressive organizer.
People often ask whether they will need to disclose all their financial information for the negotiations? The answer is absolutely YES. It does not matter if you choose mediation, litigation, collaboration, court or a DIY process, you will be required to fully disclose all of your financial information.
Expect to disclose all information, including income, tax receipts, debts, inheritances & gifts, social assistance, and private and non-private business assets, etc. This does not mean that every item you disclose will be up for negotiation as the disclosure process is completely separate from the negotiation process. Remember if you can work appropriately with your spouse, you can both save time and money on the financial disclosure process, while making the negotiations easier later. You and your spouse will need to cooperate to create a mutually beneficial separation agreement.
Unless you do not have children together, expect to never fully be rid of your spouse. They will be in your life for many years and you will need to learn to be civil with them to successfully implement a healthy co-parenting or split-parenting situation.
A lot of people get divorced to get away from the mistakes in a marriage, but it’s far from over yet. Expect to make hundreds of mistakes during this period regarding parenting, dating, civility, etc. We are only human and do not have the answer for everything, so recognize your mistakes when you make them, and do your best to correct them.
Family Law Client Care Coordinator - Toronto, ON
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