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Unless you are fearing for your safety or in danger you will want to tell your spouse yourself and in person. Using text, email, a post-it, someone else, or leaving without a word are hurtful ways to end a serious relationship, and will set the tone for how the entire divorce will proceed.
You will need assert yourself and speak up. The day you have this conversation will become the official “Date of Separation.” Do not complicate this legal date by asking for a “trial separation” unless this is really what you want. It will be better for both parties if the initiator is upfront and honest in their approach.
Keeping time and place in mind is crucial. Avoid having the conversation after a difficult day or when someone is rushing off to another appointment. Plan for this meeting. Plan an hour to talk, answer questions and discuss. Try to ensures that all will have the emotional bandwidth to handle the stressful conversation.
It is important to keep this conversation away from your children. If a child finds out before (or at the same time) as your spouse does, it is likely the situation will escalate and the all will have a harder time coping.
Avoid conflict at this time. You do not need to talk about divorce topics such as custody, settlement agreements or the house. It is wise to give your partner some time to cope and to understand their own feelings before talking the details. This is a good time to tell your spouse that you want to keep the process as amicable as possible and that you are willing to consider out of court processes such as mediation or collaboration. It is very appropriate to save all negotiating for when you are with a mediator/lawyer.
If you prepare for a variety of reactions, you can change your tone and delivery to suit emotions and avoid escalating the drama. Also, keep your spouse’s emotional/mental health in mind when having this conversation because it can make a huge difference in how they respond. Get straight to the point, but realize that your spouse may be caught off guard. You do not need to argue your point but you will need to be direct.
If you feel that you may not be safe because of this conversation, have a plan in place. You may plan to have some extra money available, a place to stay for the night or a bag packed for you and the children. Do not have this conversation until you feel safe and secure.
Family Mediator - Peterborough ON
The scariest part of divorce isn’t the divorce itself, it’s telling the other person! Often, the person initiating has had the chance to contemplate the need for divorce, while the other is completely caught off guard. If you want to remain civil with your spouse and have a healthy divorce, there are a few things to take into consideration as you have that conversation.
Unless you are fearing for your safety or in danger you will want to tell your spouse yourself and in person. Using text, email, a post-it, someone else, or leaving without a word are hurtful ways to end a serious relationship, and will set the tone for how the entire divorce will proceed.
You will need assert yourself and speak up. The day you have this conversation will become the official “Date of Separation.” Do not complicate this legal date by asking for a “trial separation” unless this is really what you want. It will be better for both parties if the initiator is upfront and honest in their approach.
Keeping time and place in mind is crucial. Avoid having the conversation after a difficult day or when someone is rushing off to another appointment. Plan for this meeting. Plan an hour to talk, answer questions and discuss. Try to ensures that all will have the emotional bandwidth to handle the stressful conversation.
It is important to keep this conversation away from your children. If a child finds out before (or at the same time) as your spouse does, it is likely the situation will escalate and the all will have a harder time coping.
Avoid conflict at this time. You do not need to talk about divorce topics such as custody, settlement agreements or the house. It is wise to give your partner some time to cope and to understand their own feelings before talking the details. This is a good time to tell your spouse that you want to keep the process as amicable as possible and that you are willing to consider out of court processes such as mediation or collaboration. It is very appropriate to save all negotiating for when you are with a mediator/lawyer.
If you prepare for a variety of reactions, you can change your tone and delivery to suit emotions and avoid escalating the drama. Also, keep your spouse’s emotional/mental health in mind when having this conversation because it can make a huge difference in how they respond. Get straight to the point, but realize that your spouse may be caught off guard. You do not need to argue your point but you will need to be direct.
If you feel that you may not be safe because of this conversation, have a plan in place. You may plan to have some extra money available, a place to stay for the night or a bag packed for you and the children. Do not have this conversation until you feel safe and secure.
Family Mediator - Peterborough ON
Child custody means more than just which parent will the child live with or how much time will each parent spend with their child. It is the legal right to make life changing decisions for the child as between his or her father and mother.
A CFDS (Certified Financial Divorce Specialist) or a CFDA (Certified Financial Divorce Analyst) can help you navigate the financial part of your separation negotiations.
Traditional financial advisors, have had little or no training specifically related to the financial issues that surround divorce. This is why if you are contemplating divorce, you need to find someone who has the training and expertise around divorce specific financial issues.
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The cost of divorce mediation is not determined solely by the hourly rate of the mediator.
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